IELTS Exam Essay Sample with Analysis
Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, but most patients do not follow any exercise routine.
Why do you think it is happening?
How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?
1. Analysing the Question
This is a relatively straightforward two-part question that stems from a statement about the health of elderly people. There is nothing particularly challenging here; however, it is important to note what the first question refers to. When it says pronoun “it,” the question refers to patients not following an exercise routine rather than doctors recommending that they exercise more.
In order to write a good response to this real IELTS exam essay topic, we absolutely must address both questions and avoid straying off the specific topic to deal with wider issues regarding health and old age. Thus, your answer should give one or two reasons why old people do not get enough exercise and one or two ways that they can be encouraged to exercise more.
2. Structure
Generally, most IELTS essays should follow a classic four-paragraph structure and this one is no different. When it comes to two-part questions, you really should devote one paragraph to the first question and one to the second.
For this essay, I would have a structure like this:
Para | Type of Paragraph | Paragraph Items |
---|---|---|
1 | Introduction | Introduce the topic Outline the essay |
2 | Body paragraph 1 | Answer the first question |
3 | Body paragraph 2 | Answer the second question |
4 | Conclusion | Summarise my body paragraphs |
Of course, it is essential that your paragraphs have some internal structure as well, so it is worth planning this before you write.
For question one, I would argue that exercise can be difficult for old people due to a lack of opportunity and also limited physical mobility.
For the second question, I would suggest group activities run by local governments, councils, and care homes.
Thus, my body paragraphs would be structured like this:
Idea | Example | |
---|---|---|
Body P1 | 1 Lack of social opportunity | Explain |
2 Physical pain or frailty | Explain | |
Body P2 | 1 Discuss gentle exercise forms | Tai chi, swimming |
1 Suggest group activities | Arranged by govt, councils, etc |
It helps to have this planned before you write, but still you must concentrate to ensure that each sentence builds upon the previous one and contributes towards supporting your topic sentence. You can use some cohesive devices to link your ideas, but be careful not to overuse these or it can make your writing clunky and unnatural.
Next, you can see my sample answer.
Sample Band 9 Answer
Introduction | (1) Most medical experts agree that elderly should engage in some form of regular exercise; however, this can be difficult at that age and so many of them do not. (2) This essay will explore why that is the case and suggest a way in which elderly people can be encouraged to exercise more. 53 words |
Analysis | 1. Paraphrases the IELTS essay topic. 1. Gives broad direction as to what will be covered in the subsequent essay paragraphs of the given IELTS exam topic. |
Body P1 | (1) First of all, the main reason why old people do not get enough exercise is that they lack the opportunity due to social isolation. (1.1) Whilst young people tend to have the chance to go out and be active with their friends, old people often find themselves without friends or confined to sedentary activities when socialising. (2) Beyond that, elderly people tend to be quite frail and sometimes beset by physical pain, meaning that exercise can be unappealing to them. (2.1) It is easier to read a book or watch TV than risk injury going outside. 93 words |
Analysis | 1: First reason 1.1: Explanation 2: Second reason 2.1: Explanation / Example |
Body P2 | (1) In order to solve this problem, there needs to be firstly an awareness that physical activity need not always be strenuous. (1.1) Old people can enjoy walking, swimming, and other relatively gentle forms of exercise in order to stay active and reap the benefits of increased mobility. (1.2) In some parts of East Asia, it is common for old people to do tai chi, which is a low-impact exercise that helps them move without hurting themselves. (2) This can be encouraged through organised events that foster a sense of social interaction. (2.1) Local governments, councils, and care homes can arrange for old people to engage in appropriate exercise classes in groups, where they can have fun as well as get fit. 117 words |
Analysis | Sentence 1: Solution/Discussion Sentence 1.1: Example Sentence 1.2: Example Sentence 2: Solution Sentence 2.1: Example |
Conclusion | (1) In conclusion, old people often do not get enough exercise because they lack social interaction and are quite frail, but low-impact forms of exercise conducted in large groups can help overcome this problem.33 words |
Analysis | 1. Summary of Body P1 & Body P2 |
3. Sample
Most medical experts agree that older people should engage in some form of regular exercise; however, this can be difficult at that age and so many of them do not. This essay will explore why that is the case and suggest a way in which elderly people can be encouraged to exercise more.
First of all, the main reason why old people do not get enough exercise is that they lack the opportunity due to social isolation. Whilst young people tend to have the chance to go out and be active with their friends, old people often find themselves without friends or confined to sedentary activities when socialising. Beyond that, elderly people tend to be quite
frail and sometimes beset by physical pain, meaning that exercise can be unappealing to them. It is easier to read a book or watch TV than risk injury going outside.
In order to solve this problem, there needs to be firstly an awareness that physical activity need not always be strenuous. Old people can enjoy walking, swimming, and other relatively gentle forms of exercise in order to stay active and reap the benefits of increased mobility. In some parts of East Asia, it is common for old people to do tai chi, which is a low-impact exercise that helps them move without hurting themselves. This can be encouraged through organised events that foster a sense of social interaction. Local governments, councils, and care homes can arrange for old people to engage in appropriate exercise classes in groups, where they can have fun as well as get fit.
In conclusion, old people often do not get enough exercise because they lack social interaction and are quite frail, but low-impact forms of exercise conducted in large groups can help overcome this
problem.
4. Vocabulary
When writing for IELTS exam, we must make sure to use vocabulary with a high degree of accuracy. It is not advisable to use obscure or “advanced” words, but rather to use topic-specific language that is appropriate and correctly collocated in your IELTS essay.
First of all, we must think about the topic of age. In my essay, you can see I have used the following synonyms for old people:
- old people
- older people
- elderly people
You might wonder why I have not used more “advanced” means of talking about them, but this is a common misconception, and many IELTS candidates struggle because they try to use the following words and phrases:
Vocabulary Not Acceptable | Reason |
---|---|
old folks | Too informal |
geriatrics | Too clinical |
old generation | Not accurate / too broad |
grandparents | Not accurate |
- old folks
- geriatrics
- old generations
- grandparents
None of these are acceptable. The first is too informal, the second too clinical, the third is simple incorrect, and the third is not always true. Remember: accuracy is essential. Do not try to use synonyms that you find in a dictionary unless you are confident that they are appropriate for the precise situation.
5. Test
Look at the words and phrases that have been highlighted in the text above. Try to match them with the correct definition.
S. No. | Word | Definition |
---|---|---|
1 | social isolation | a) Not strong, easily damaged |
2 | sedentary | b) Suffering from something |
3 | frail | c) Gentle, not much risk of injury |
4 | beset by | d) Not moving about very much |
5 | risk injury | e) Gain a reward from some effort |
6 | strenuous | f) Create the feeling of something |
7 | reap the benefits of | g) Being away from your peers |
8 | low-impact | h) Challenging, exhausting |
9 | foster a sense of | i) Be in danger of getting hurt |